Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Labels, kid and all the other stuff.....

The past couple of days things have been really "squeezing" the life out of me.... my heart has been racing, I can't sleep, emotions have been high and hard to keep in control. After rereading the past couple of posts and then seeing Ross (my guide) last night I had to face some "in your face" realities.

Reality #1: I am Bi. I was once told that people are attracted to "souls" and those that are open minded do not identify with either male or female.... it is all about the soul and the packaging doesn't matter. But this realization does not make my life any easier. It makes it even more complex because now I am not either hetro or homo..... and like I posted in May, lesbians/ straights have a hard time with this because it is the "cake and eat it too" mentality. My take on this: I am OK with this.... why should I not be able to enjoy the "flavor" of both male and female? There are good men out there as well as wonderful women.... this brings me to

Reality #2: I don't like/want sex with HB..... it is him.... not ALL men.... him. I don't want to have him near me... touch me, kiss me, put himself in me... OMG....NOT! And now all of a sudden he has decided to TRY to make things work between us.... he is downloading all this shit about how to "fix" your marriage.... has announced that he is NOW willing to do marriage counseling (too late) ... and I am supposed to be..... overjoyed....... no no no no no no no!!! I am hoping this too shall pass...... he needs to get personal counseling.... to learn to "deal" when things move forward in my life....

Reality #3: According to Ross (guide), it is time, MY time ... things are feeling like I am being squeezed through the "eye of a needle".... he had some suggestions as to how to deal with the things that have started to move... he said I needed sleep... (YA THINK?!) and now that I have "opened" my mind, the "chatter" is keeping me from resting.... he said that I have become "in tune" with my physic self and I will need it in order to make the choices I am getting ready to make.... BUT I need to control "the voices".... hence, give it to the Angels to do with as it is meant to be... and then let things just happen.... OK, I can do that! LOL... Get out of the way.... Let go, Let God. Ross did say that once I was "through the needle" that my world will be "free".... butterflies, flutterbies, fairies.... I am looking forward to this! Now, is THIS really a reality? It is what it is....

Enough for now.... I need to get on with life.....