Labels.... life....

Things have been moving along.... not like I always like but they are moving. I have had many "lightbulb" moments over the past few days about me and my life. One of the things I have been dealing with is the label "Bi". Never put myself in this catagory before and when I was put there I was really freaked out about it. But what was there to be freaked out about? I am married. I am into women. I HATE sex with a man and thank God I don't have to go down that road anymore. BUT the fact is I am still married. Jen asked me a good question in therapy this week (which started the freak out)! Is it that I don't like sex with all men or just HB? WTF??? I had not thought of sex other than with HB and I tell you that is NOT where I want to go.... but ALL men???? WTF! Sooooo.... in looking inside myself I have to ask some really hard questions. And then there is the outside world. Lesbians have very little tolerance for BI people, as some of my L friends said, it feels like you want the best of both worlds. Gay men are more accepting I think. This puts a whole new spin on things.... and I don't know the answer. I keep looking for some sign that lets me know which label, if any, really fits me.... maybe I am making too much of this label thing.... maybe I just need to be me.... bi, lesbian, hetero, whatever it is.... just me.

Another day.....

Today I wish I could have stayed home... kept my head firmly planted on my pillow... but this work thing keeps getting in the way....
There are many things going on today... I am set to get a hair cut... short.... this is scary. I may chicken out and get the normal cut just because I know it is "safe". I seem to do a lot in my life on the safe side... change is scary and I am a big whimp when it comes to change. Hence why I leave things as they are on the home front. It is safe and consistent.
So I want to move to another subject that I deal with on a daily basis.... my drug addicted, mentally compromised son. Though his addiction to drugs is on prescription drugs, it makes no difference because he abuses them and we at home all suffer from this. And to add to the frustration, he has mental health issues... bipolar, manic depression, ADD, borderline personality disorder, narcissism and schizo-effective disorder. ALL being treated with certain medications that are all very addictive. Needless to say, we live on the edge of insanity. I have found FA (Families Anonymous). This has brought much needed peace into my mind and has taught me many things. I did not cause this, I can not control it nor can I cure it. And all I can do is control HOW I react to the things he does or says. Not allow him to bait me into heated arguments and to keep my witts about me when he does things I don't understand..... are there others out there like me.... YES, thank God, I am not alone! Though most only deal with one issue (drug addiction) I have to deal with 2 (addiction/ mental health) but I know that I can survive this by setting limits and controling my reactions.... and attending my meetings to get continued support and help with ways to "deal". I look forward to my meeting tonight.

New Day...

Today is another NEW day.... A friend of mine on Latebloomerz has just started blogging so I thought I would come and look at my Blog spot.... Oh my it has been a long time since I have gone here.... reading what I had written in months past brought back many feeling.... kind of like Esters questions to me on latebloomerz.... feelings feelings..... I guess I need to try to figure out just what has got me so emotional.... ..... the feelings? The remembering? the having to deal? not sure...... Thank goodness I am going to the gym to work out my "attitude"...lol

So I will not make promises to write weekly... rather I will try to do better and maybe if others friends are reading this it will encourage me to keep it up..... Off to the gym I go......